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another skirmish - when you don't know what to do...
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tashabear
tashabear
another skirmish
I have won yet another skirmish in the battle to take back my House from the creeping clutter and crap that threaten to overwhelm me.

Well, actually, I'm already overwhelmed, but I'm staging a Resistance Effort, and I will throw the invaders out... in some cases literally. In others, repatriation or exile. In still others, internment camps new housing. All participants will have a home. Those who refuse to take their loyalty oath to the smooth running of House will be exiled. Those who cannot participate in the new regime will be euthanized and sent away with Trash Truck.

Tonight it was a skirmish in Laundry. I think that this will continue to be an area of unrest, because just as I get one area pacified, another rears its stinky head and needs attention. While my back is turned, the first area goes nutso again, and brings a friend. And it grows like kudzu, all over House.

I have a multi-pronged approach to this theater, which will assist in the repatriation of some of the combatants, and the containment of others. The first avenue of approach is new (to me) housing for the combatants. This housing area will be called Dressers. The current housing areas are ugly, and more importantly, inadequate to their task. They may also be full of retired combatants that need expulsion from House; that will be determined when I send in my scouts. I plan to find pre-fab housing that is more suitable to the task at hand. One of the Dresser housing areas has already been repurposed to hold members of the Fabric Stash clan, and they all seem to be quite content living there.

The second avenue, when I have successfully contained, neutralized, and reeducated the Laundry combatants in the bedroom, will be a temporary refugee camp, code-named Hamper, in the corner of Bedroom, in which combatants will be held until such time as they can be taken to Cellar, neutralized, and re-educated.

This neutralizing and re-education process is done using a process called WDF, which stands for Wash-Dry-Fold. It's very effective in the short term, but recidivism is a problem. Decades -- nay, centuries of research have failed to result in more effective means of maintaining long-term results, though some nudist colonies have reported a near stalemate in the Laundry theater. Their struggle against the Laundry insurgents is taken over by a similar ideological conflict with Upholstery, however, so it's a trade-off I'm not willing to make. (Be glad... taking that avenue of approach to Laundry can be traumatizing for everyone.)

The Laundry insurgents, once they've been through the WDF process, will be sorted for repatriation in the Dresser and Closet housing areas, exile to Thrift Shop, or euthanasia due to irreparable combat damage. It is my hope that few of the combatants will require euthanasia, but losses by the Socks tribe have been heavy. Replacement troops have been seen in Laundry, however, so it would seem that the tribe is strong and healthy.

Lest these plans seem like the ravings of a despot, let me assure you that I am a benevolent dictator, and want only the best for the citizens of Laundry. Their housing at the moment is wholly inadequate, given that they are currently staying in Cellar, which is an unhealthy place for them to live. I want them to come back to the Province of Upstairs, where they can be given appropriate quarters in the hope that we can peacefully co-exist. It is my hope that with this effort, they and I will have happier, easier encounters in the future and keep the WDF treatments to small groups, rather than the large, wholesale actions that I've had to take thus far.

I'm planning an assault on Dishes and Living Room tomorrow...

Tags: , , , , , , , , ,
i feel: accomplished militant

32 trips or shoot the rapids
Comments
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ariadne1 From: ariadne1 Date: May 13th, 2010 06:00 am (UTC) (base camp)
ROTFL! Tasha, this is an awesome piece of writing - it absolutely made my night. Can I read this to my students?
tashabear From: tashabear Date: May 13th, 2010 06:02 am (UTC) (base camp)
I'm all agape. And flattered. And still with the gaping.

Yes, of course! I'd be thrilled!

I'm curious as to the context, though. Or is it sort of an "end of school, this is funny" thing?
From: nahaniotieno Date: May 13th, 2010 09:17 am (UTC) (base camp)
I'm laughing so hard i'm in tears XD
cvirtue From: cvirtue Date: May 13th, 2010 10:11 am (UTC) (base camp)
Very amusing writing! *applause*
harpduchess From: harpduchess Date: May 13th, 2010 10:24 am (UTC) (base camp)
Well that was a fun thing to read first thing in the morning!
hugh_mannity From: hugh_mannity Date: May 13th, 2010 02:05 pm (UTC) (base camp)
I think TCS should see this. It might inspire him. It certainly amused me.
tashabear From: tashabear Date: May 13th, 2010 08:34 pm (UTC) (base camp)
Feel free to copy-pasta and share.
squeakyjackie From: squeakyjackie Date: May 13th, 2010 03:30 pm (UTC) (base camp)
okay, that's a great read to start the day! (though it reminds me there's laundry to be tackled here as well) :)
tashabear From: tashabear Date: May 13th, 2010 08:40 pm (UTC) (base camp)
I usually just bung it all down the cellar stairs and let it sit and think about its sins for a bit. Today, for the first time in months, there is no pile, as the whole coalition has been relocated to an Undisclosed Location in Cellar. There are two rebel cells in the WDF process as we speak, one ready for Stage Two when the others enter Stage Three.

I'm calling a cease fire on Laundry for the weekend, though, as once you start the WDF process, you really need to get to Stage Two in a timely manner or the natives get really ugly really fast.

The assault on Dishes and Kitchen Island will begin in T-20 minutes, though.
girlygothic From: girlygothic Date: May 13th, 2010 04:50 pm (UTC) (base camp)
This is absolutely fabulous, and the rest of the world needs to see it.. Nay, be educated by it.

May I metaquotes you?
tashabear From: tashabear Date: May 13th, 2010 08:41 pm (UTC) (base camp)
Sure, I'd be tickled! I'll go ahead and unlock it, then.
albreda From: albreda Date: May 13th, 2010 06:28 pm (UTC) (base camp)
From John Ringo's 'Last Centurion' to this, in under an hour.

>:) Rock on!
elizabear From: elizabear Date: May 13th, 2010 08:47 pm (UTC) (base camp)
Hysterical, thanks!

And oh, I SO know where you're coming from ...
chrystie69 From: chrystie69 Date: May 13th, 2010 09:49 pm (UTC) (base camp)

Do they get Resurrection points?

LOL Good Luck with the War...sounds like a battle plan is in place!
tashabear From: tashabear Date: May 13th, 2010 09:51 pm (UTC) (base camp)

Re: Do they get Resurrection points?

The euthanized ones? Not in my house... but they may be recycled reincarnated and come back elsewhere as something new.
celestineangel From: celestineangel Date: May 14th, 2010 12:07 am (UTC) (base camp)
Here from metaquotes. Oh, the hilariousness!
evieeros From: evieeros Date: May 14th, 2010 12:48 am (UTC) (base camp)
I came from metaquotes and this is AMAZING. It is my life completely (with the exception of Cellar which is known as Bedroom Floor in my House).
tashabear From: tashabear Date: May 14th, 2010 03:23 pm (UTC) (base camp)
Cellar has its own issues. It's a particularly challenging region of House, because no one wants to go there, but it's strategically very important.
robling_t From: robling_t Date: May 14th, 2010 01:07 am (UTC) (base camp)

here from metaquotes

I wish you success in your endeavours, comrade. As to the battles on our front, I fear that I myself have been captured and I am now being held as a prisoner of war by the rebel troops of OMG WHAT IS THAT AND WHEN DID IT GO INTO THE CRISPER.

Send clean underpants.
denelian From: denelian Date: May 14th, 2010 07:49 am (UTC) (base camp)
here from metaquotes - i ADORE and ♥ this!
shiv5468 From: shiv5468 Date: May 14th, 2010 07:49 am (UTC) (base camp)
From metaquotes

Good luck with your mission. And watch out for the lone sock counterstrike
tashabear From: tashabear Date: May 14th, 2010 03:27 pm (UTC) (base camp)
They are dangerous. I paired unlike socks together the other night to stave off just such attacks.
32 trips or shoot the rapids
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