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for'ard and back - when you don't know what to do... — LiveJournal
do the next thing
for'ard and back
My ex-fiance got married last weekend.

I was extremely angry when he left me. There was much Wrath. Epic proportions, even. I have a hard time remembering when I've been so pissed off. Of course, it is entirely likely that I've never been that pissed off, and therefore there is nothing to remember.

I spent a lot of brain cycles dwelling on it. I spent a lot of energy directing ill-will southward. There are those parties who will say that I wasn't entitled to be angry, that I should have sucked it up and gotten over it in a much shorter length of time than I did, but my feelings are my own and they are as valid as the next person's. I was pissed. I find myself asking what I could have done with that energy and those brain cycles. Now there's a counter-productive bit of introspection, eh?

Now I am over it, and it took the unselfish love of a wonderful man, the right man, to show me what I had been missing all along in every single one of my previous relationships. If I were to enumerate the "missing links", the list would be long. Suffice to say, what I was missing was him. I look at him while he draws, or drives, or sleeps, and I wonder how I managed to survive 32 years without his smile.

I can't blame Jon for leaving me anymore. He found the one who makes his heart beat, just as I now have. I wish them luck. If they're even a tenth as in love with each other as I am with Wolfie, then they'll be very happy indeed.

i feel: contemplative contemplative

shoot the rapids