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just because you don't see me cry, doesn't mean i don't cry - when you don't know what to do...
do the next thing
just because you don't see me cry, doesn't mean i don't cry
Watching the most recent episode of Bones, and Booth is judging a parent who just lost his child because of his lack of reaction. I can totally relate to the guy who had a flat reaction, and I feel like I was judged by my former in-laws because I wasn't all sad, all the time, while Wolfie was sick and after he died. Worry and grief are exhausting, and I just had to find ways and reasons to smile. Besides, after all they put me through; I wasn't going to give them the satisfaction of falling apart.

Tomorrow is the anniversary of his death. I miss him so much.

i feel: lonely lonely

10 trips or shoot the rapids
la_peregrina From: la_peregrina Date: December 15th, 2013 06:14 am (UTC) (base camp)
I know what you mean. When you are too drained or dazed, flat is the coping mechanism. Hugs from afar.
mermaidlady From: mermaidlady Date: December 15th, 2013 02:18 pm (UTC) (base camp)
Thinking of you today.
white_and_nrdy From: white_and_nrdy Date: December 15th, 2013 07:20 pm (UTC) (base camp)
measanan From: measanan Date: December 15th, 2013 07:26 pm (UTC) (base camp)
fallconsmate From: fallconsmate Date: December 15th, 2013 09:19 pm (UTC) (base camp)
*hugs and hugs* i don't think the grief ever really completely goes away...the 25th will be 7 years and fallcon's passing is not any better for me.

and i'm still sorry you had to lose your Wolfie at *all*...not to mention that your former in-laws are just assholes.
tashabear From: tashabear Date: December 15th, 2013 09:34 pm (UTC) (base camp)
They can be. Basically, though, they didn't get either of us, and weren't evolved? mature? adult enough to just accept the fact that we are/were weird. I don't think they meant to be hurtful; they just weren't capable of recognizing that I cop(ed) differently. Of course, they were confused by the lack of a traditional wedding, so that should have been some clue.
esmerel From: esmerel Date: December 16th, 2013 05:12 pm (UTC) (base camp)
A friend of mine's husband was in a motorcycle accident gosh, almost exactly 3 years ago now. He survived, but he was in a coma for quite a while and while he lived, he's not the same person he was.

While he was in the hospital, several of her extended family were bothered by her reactions - she had lots of friends who dropped things to come help her and make her laugh and stuff - the family just 'wtf how can you POSSIBLY LAUGH YOUR REACTION IS BAD AND WRONG'.

She had more than a few issues with that too. You are not alone on that front.
zillabean From: zillabean Date: December 16th, 2013 08:33 pm (UTC) (base camp)
Everyone copes and heals in their own way. I don't think he would've wanted you to handle your grief and emotions any differently than you did. Hang in there, and know he's still got a glint in his eye for you evermore <3
shelbystripes From: shelbystripes Date: December 18th, 2013 08:47 pm (UTC) (base camp)
I had a reaction to the same thing in that episode, just to Booth's surprising lack of understanding. It's not just a general complaint about the role reversal, about the fact that Booth is usually the one better at human relation. He's a veteran, he's friends with war widows, he ought to understand these things. It made no sense to me.

Also, *hugs*</p>

I've been busy, but belated sympathy is hopefully better than none.

tashabear From: tashabear Date: December 19th, 2013 12:44 am (UTC) (base camp)
He is better at human relations, but this isn't the sort of human he's particularly good at relating to. I think he thinks that Bones is alone in her weirdness; he doesn't understand the sort of soul pain that is so deep you just *cannot* express it, and people like her and the physicist don't express themselves like everyone else anyway. The end was so beautiful it about broke me, though. I'm tearing up just thinking about it.

Don't worry about the busy. I have been too. It's weird; I think my concept of "new year" has shifted. The new year for me now starts on December 15th.
10 trips or shoot the rapids