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bah - when you don't know what to do...
do the next thing
Wolfie came home all pissed off about something (I know not what, he was walking away from me when he was telling me what and I couldn't hear him), and empath that I am, not I'm pissed off, and sad, and feeling all sorts of negative things I don't want to be feeling, particularly because they're not all my emotions.

I was so happy to see him home, too; he was supposed to be at his friend's house working on some songs for the band they're putting together. But he's pissed because he couldn't get a hold of Mike, and when I tried to comfort him he shoved me away. (Not literally, but close enough.)

Is it selfish of me to be thinking about how that hurt me? How miserable I am because he's pissed off at someone else? Or should I be concerning myself with his pain? Where is the line between loving spouse(-to-be) and wronged lover? Where is the line between comfort and selfishness?

He said there was a dark mood coming. I just didn't think it was going to be right now.

i feel: sad sad
i hear: Evanescence - Whisper

4 trips or shoot the rapids
cadenzaallli From: cadenzaallli Date: March 5th, 2004 03:55 pm (UTC) (base camp)
not that i know what i'm talking about, but i don't think it's selfish at all to be hurt by his emotions. you feel the way you feel, and you can't change that. selfishness can be found only in actions, i think. not that bad emotions shouldn't be reasoned out - understanding them seems to me to be the only way to get over them, or prevent them in the future. but, i don't think it's possible to ever feel really okay with being brushed off by your partner.

in any case, i hope you both start to feel better. and that he brings you breakfast in bed, or something. ;D
tashabear From: tashabear Date: March 5th, 2004 04:05 pm (UTC) (base camp)
It's better. He's got work stress, and I've got workless/wedding stress (113 days to go, kill me now), and he's had this dark mood coming on, and I'm PMSing... The selfish part comes in when I know he's hurting and I feel like I should be concerned with it, but at the same time I'm hurting. It's complicated-ish.

Isn't there some clause somewhere that says only one member of the couple is allowed to be crazy at a time? How do I invoke it and how do we choose who gets the nod?
hascouf From: hascouf Date: March 6th, 2004 06:47 am (UTC) (base camp)
Hmm... I don't think there is such a clause to invoke, but it you find out some information, please let me know.
ladymorgaine From: ladymorgaine Date: March 6th, 2004 02:09 pm (UTC) (base camp)
Oh man, I know exactly what you're talking about. My man and I go through that all the time. Well, I do anyway.

He gets frustrated with work, comes home pissy, and I soak up all that emotion. Sometimes he'll try and explain it, but he's a plumber. I have no clue what he's talking about. But I still soak up all the negativity.

When it's so bad that I get brushed off, I do get angry, hurt, etc. I'll try and remind myself that it's not me he's mad at...but that doesn't help the hurt angry feelings. Sometimes that makes it snowball too. A bit of distance in those cases usually helps. I remove myself, take a bath, do the dishes, start dinner, and let him relax. It usually balances out fairly quickly.

There should be a clause about only one partner being crazy at a time. Right next to the clause that says that only one partner is allowed to have the flu at a time.

Good luck with the wedding planning!
4 trips or shoot the rapids