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tashabear
tashabear
bah
Wolfie came home all pissed off about something (I know not what, he was walking away from me when he was telling me what and I couldn't hear him), and empath that I am, not I'm pissed off, and sad, and feeling all sorts of negative things I don't want to be feeling, particularly because they're not all my emotions.

I was so happy to see him home, too; he was supposed to be at his friend's house working on some songs for the band they're putting together. But he's pissed because he couldn't get a hold of Mike, and when I tried to comfort him he shoved me away. (Not literally, but close enough.)

Is it selfish of me to be thinking about how that hurt me? How miserable I am because he's pissed off at someone else? Or should I be concerning myself with his pain? Where is the line between loving spouse(-to-be) and wronged lover? Where is the line between comfort and selfishness?

He said there was a dark mood coming. I just didn't think it was going to be right now.

i feel: sad sad
i hear: Evanescence - Whisper

4 trips or shoot the rapids
Comments
cadenzaallli From: cadenzaallli Date: March 5th, 2004 03:55 pm (UTC) (base camp)
not that i know what i'm talking about, but i don't think it's selfish at all to be hurt by his emotions. you feel the way you feel, and you can't change that. selfishness can be found only in actions, i think. not that bad emotions shouldn't be reasoned out - understanding them seems to me to be the only way to get over them, or prevent them in the future. but, i don't think it's possible to ever feel really okay with being brushed off by your partner.

in any case, i hope you both start to feel better. and that he brings you breakfast in bed, or something. ;D
tashabear From: tashabear Date: March 5th, 2004 04:05 pm (UTC) (base camp)
It's better. He's got work stress, and I've got workless/wedding stress (113 days to go, kill me now), and he's had this dark mood coming on, and I'm PMSing... The selfish part comes in when I know he's hurting and I feel like I should be concerned with it, but at the same time I'm hurting. It's complicated-ish.

Isn't there some clause somewhere that says only one member of the couple is allowed to be crazy at a time? How do I invoke it and how do we choose who gets the nod?
hascouf From: hascouf Date: March 6th, 2004 06:47 am (UTC) (base camp)
Hmm... I don't think there is such a clause to invoke, but it you find out some information, please let me know.
ladymorgaine From: ladymorgaine Date: March 6th, 2004 02:09 pm (UTC) (base camp)
Oh man, I know exactly what you're talking about. My man and I go through that all the time. Well, I do anyway.

He gets frustrated with work, comes home pissy, and I soak up all that emotion. Sometimes he'll try and explain it, but he's a plumber. I have no clue what he's talking about. But I still soak up all the negativity.

When it's so bad that I get brushed off, I do get angry, hurt, etc. I'll try and remind myself that it's not me he's mad at...but that doesn't help the hurt angry feelings. Sometimes that makes it snowball too. A bit of distance in those cases usually helps. I remove myself, take a bath, do the dishes, start dinner, and let him relax. It usually balances out fairly quickly.

There should be a clause about only one partner being crazy at a time. Right next to the clause that says that only one partner is allowed to have the flu at a time.

Good luck with the wedding planning!
4 trips or shoot the rapids