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this guy is an idiot. - when you don't know what to do... — LiveJournal
do the next thing
tashabear
tashabear
this guy is an idiot.
http://www.livejournal.com/users/darkwolfie/57135.html

Read the incredibly insensitive comments he posted about our loss.  If I ever meet him IRL, I will have to be restrained from kicking him in the 'nads.

i feel: irate irate

11 trips or shoot the rapids
Comments
From: reasdream Date: September 12th, 2004 04:51 pm (UTC) (base camp)
well, I wouldn't be the one to hold you back.
mariora From: mariora Date: September 12th, 2004 04:55 pm (UTC) (base camp)
Can I get a good swift kick in??
cellio From: cellio Date: September 12th, 2004 06:45 pm (UTC) (base camp)
Did you notice the part where he obviously knows more than you because he's a psychology major? Sheesh. He's 20 years old; he probably hasn't lived in the real world yet.
From: nutter4 Date: September 13th, 2004 02:08 am (UTC) (base camp)
Yep; exactly the impression I got. Hopefully, he'll remember that conversation sometime in the next 10 years when Real Life (TM) hands him something he can't cope with.
kestrel127 From: kestrel127 Date: September 12th, 2004 07:49 pm (UTC) (base camp)
I want to punch him in the face and I didn't even know David.

I have lost a friend to suicide and his response was completely inappropriate.
emmacrew From: emmacrew Date: September 12th, 2004 09:27 pm (UTC) (base camp)
On pretty much every level.
esmerel From: esmerel Date: September 12th, 2004 09:11 pm (UTC) (base camp)
Wow, what an asshat.
chibent From: chibent Date: September 12th, 2004 10:12 pm (UTC) (base camp)

His tuition money would have been better spent on a big box of Tact.
panda_dancer From: panda_dancer Date: September 13th, 2004 09:38 am (UTC) (base camp)

idiot, or just clinical?

These series of posts are a interesting corollary to a set of posts in another friend's live journal regarding modern counseling and the tendancy to blame the victem, all in the name of promoting self-sufficiency.

Are we the only ones responsible for our own behaviors? Counseling says it over and over again : "The only person who can change you, is YOU." "Don't blame other people for your shortcomings - instead, you have to work on them yourself!"

So, on one hand, Every criminal in prison wants to blame somebody else for what they've done. Bad childhood, bad experience somewhere, and look, boom! now their criminals, and it's really not their fault. Ditto for drug users and anyone else who'd done something wrong.

On the flip side - look how powerful the influences in society, family and work can be. They drive young girls to starve themselves to death, break up marraiges as the couples' careers eclipse their relationship, they drive war veterans to terrible self-destructive extremes -


They even drive presidents to invade countries that have nothing to do with Al Quada (and cause thousands of innocent deaths) just so they can show up their daddy.
tashabear From: tashabear Date: September 13th, 2004 11:32 pm (UTC) (base camp)

Re: idiot, or just clinical?

What exactly is your point?

I don't give a shit what couselors say to their patients. I care that my husband wanted to mark 9/11 in his own way, and continue to mourn the untimely passing of someone we loved more than we can express, and that asshole said that we should pretend that 9/11 never happened and that David was a coward for committing suicide.

Whatever his personal feelings on the matter, he was an insensitive lout for saying what he did and intruding on Wolfie's grief like that. He should be ashamed of himself for behaving so.
panda_dancer From: panda_dancer Date: September 14th, 2004 06:34 am (UTC) (base camp)

Re: idiot, or just clinical?

My point is that mourning is certainly a valid state to be in - no one (not even that well meaning but somewhat tactless psych student) is disputing that friends shouldn't mourn the passing of their friend. It's trajic. He should be remembered by all his loved ones. Grief is natural and appropriate.

What is **not** OK is to blame something pretty much unrelated (the 9/11 hijackers) for that death. Blame Bush for sending him there. Blame the VA that failed to give him sufficient counseling. Blame friends and family who didn't keep a 24-hour vigil over him to make sure he didn't do anything to himself. Blame.... the *mailman* for not dropping by in time.
(see where this is going?)

What the psych student didn't handle well was understanding that in a time of grief, people are unrational. They *do* blame the mailman, or plane hijackers (and worse often, themselves) when a loved one commits suicide. That in itself is a natural process of grieving. If the psych student was that sharp, he would have realized, backed off, and maybe suggested to your husband (and to you) to find, in your own time, better answers and better ways to cope with what's happened. Preaching the truth, no matter how true, to someone who isn't ready to hear it, is useless.

If it all helps, 9/11 is a solemn, miserable anniversery for me as well. It marks the death knell to our American freedoms because it made way for the Patriot Act, it started a national trend that is likely to leave me without a job in the next couple of years, as my entire client-base is to scared to even try to walk through our doors, and worst of all, it was a wake up call that very, very few people have heard. We're in for rocky times (as a planet) and the average U.S. citizen doesn't even have a decent understanding as to why.

I wish the best for you and yours. **ALL** the losses of life related to 9/11, related to Iraq, have been trajic.

Peace.
11 trips or shoot the rapids