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celebrate old "friendships", or nuke 'em from orbit? - when you don't know what to do...
do the next thing
tashabear
tashabear
celebrate old "friendships", or nuke 'em from orbit?
I just got an invite for my 20th Class Reunion for high school.

They were asses in 1986, mostly.

They were asses in 1996, mostly.

They'll probably be asses in 2006.  The question is, do I want to go, and try again to be nice and friendly to folks who were jerks, or do I want to go, and nuke them from orbit, or do I want to just stay home?  My feelings are so mixed they have froth.  There's really only one or two people I might want to see, and I can probably contact them on my own if the mood strikes. 

I'm actually feeling a little angry about this.  They hurt me, they really hurt me back in high school, and now I'm even fatter than I was in '96, at the 10th reunion, not employed (though at least now that's by choice, and hopefully I will be, by the reunion), and going grey at an astonishing rate.  I wouldn't mind giving a donation for a memorial to one of our classmates who died in '01, but other than that...

And they want RSVPs by August 15th.  The reunion isn't until October 6th!  Even weddings don't have such a huge lead time for RSVPs.  All that, and I'll be on vacation then.

I don't know what to do.  Maybe I'll call my mommy.

i feel: bitchy bitchy

19 trips or shoot the rapids
Comments
baronessmartha From: baronessmartha Date: July 17th, 2006 09:41 pm (UTC) (base camp)
you owe them nothing.
why would you spend money to spend time with people you don't like you who treat you like you don't deserve?

If any of us had asked you that question you would have had a quick sure answer. "no. stay home. Spend time with people who love you and treat you with the respect and love you deserve."

baronessmartha From: baronessmartha Date: July 17th, 2006 09:46 pm (UTC) (base camp)
anyone you really want contact with you can track down by email or they will track you down.

You can always send contact info and say "ooo, so sorry I could not make it."
cellio From: cellio Date: July 17th, 2006 10:53 pm (UTC) (base camp)
Yes, what she said.

My high-school classmates were asses in high school; I've seen no reason to pay attention to them since then. I got a hype-filled ("just like old times" etc) invitation to the 25th reunion recently; I didn't even dignify it with an answer. Why in the world would I waste my valuable time and money on those folks? I don't need them; I have people in my life who actually give a damn about me.
bubbette From: bubbette Date: July 17th, 2006 10:40 pm (UTC) (base camp)
What she said.
nazrynn From: nazrynn Date: July 17th, 2006 10:41 pm (UTC) (base camp)
Empathy....

My 10 year high school reunion was being thrown by the valedictorian and his friends, who were good to me, but I never got to know them well. I wasn't treated all that well by some other members of the graduating class, though, and was living out in PA at the time (short version - ex-boyfriend was a creep). With all that, the weight issues, and at $100 a plate when I could barely afford rent, the decision to not go was very easy to make.

Make sure you spend that night doing something much better than some fandangled party. And make sure you spend it with people you love, and who appreciate you, as baronessmartha mentioned.

*hug*
palegreyminion From: palegreyminion Date: July 17th, 2006 10:46 pm (UTC) (base camp)
I can't imagine anything I would *less* like to do than attend a reunion. I think if you're anything other excited about going, just skip it.

I've never bothered to attend any of my college reunions. I never actually graduated from high school, so I don't get invited to those.
tashabear From: tashabear Date: July 17th, 2006 10:57 pm (UTC) (base camp)
I was just IMing with baronessmartha. That's the weekend after my birthday. I think I will have a birthday party, with cake and ice cream and silly hats, and we will all eat more than is good for us and laugh much.

That's the current plan, anyway.
baronessmartha From: baronessmartha Date: July 17th, 2006 11:10 pm (UTC) (base camp)
as long as it is not this freaking hot or there will have to be iced something, itellyouwhat.
tashabear From: tashabear Date: July 17th, 2006 11:24 pm (UTC) (base camp)
Should be cool enough in October... :-)

The reunion is the same weekend as Wear Schola, though. Too bad, dear, dear classmates, but I'm afraid I'd rather geek garb with other people dressed funny than do a scavenger hunt around my hometown with you. (I've been wanting to go to Wear Schola for YEARS, and something has always prevented me. This year, dammit! This year!)
msmemory From: msmemory Date: July 17th, 2006 11:07 pm (UTC) (base camp)
I went to my nth college reunion in 2004 and had a very nice time despite not feeling well for part of it. I spent the weekend largely with two particular friends who had been friends during college; there were two others we all definitely missed who had decided not to come. (Plus we had fun watching the Secret Service trying to guard Sen. Clinton -- crewcut men in black suits don't blend in at a preppy women's college.)

You'd have to *pay me* to attend a high school reunion.
tashabear From: tashabear Date: July 17th, 2006 11:17 pm (UTC) (base camp)
That's just it. There are people in my class who are godparents to each other's children. I'm sure that they're terribly excited. I wasn't close to anyone, much as I longed for it, and no one seemed to regret not being close to me.

I have my close circle of friends, and most of them didn't even grow up in this state, never mind go to my high school. I think I'd rather spend time with them. Maybe at 25 or 30, if I have something interesting to show for myself. Now is not the time.
baronessmartha From: baronessmartha Date: July 17th, 2006 11:36 pm (UTC) (base camp)
you have interesting things to show for yourself now.
You owe them nothing.
you are worthy in your own right and do not need to measure against anyone else's value system.

just sayin.

dude. You serve in the armed forces.
You freaking trump.
the.
end.
tashabear From: tashabear Date: July 17th, 2006 11:52 pm (UTC) (base camp)
lol... That's the thing. It's just this thing to me. It's huge to everyone else, but to me, it's just... a thing. I did it, I do it so Erin, and Nigel, and Duncan and Jackie and Brian and Aeryn and Caleb and Julian and Derek and Daniel and Anna and any children I might have maybe won't have to someday.

But I'm only one of thousands, so I don't see it as huge, and it's always strange to me that anyone else does.
baronessmartha From: baronessmartha Date: July 18th, 2006 12:00 am (UTC) (base camp)
That's why.
amcnh From: amcnh Date: July 18th, 2006 12:22 am (UTC) (base camp)
Everyone here has pretty much summed up what I would have said, except mine would have been a bit more colorful. Such as, "Screw them. You don't need to spend money to try and be accepted by a bunch of assholes. You only need to write a post, pick up the phone or take a little drive and be welcomed and accepted without effort by those who are your friends and who love you. Fuck'em, its their loss for having such tiny little brains."

Okay so maybe I did have something to add :)

Besides that garb schola sounds wicked cool

*muah!*
tashabear From: tashabear Date: July 18th, 2006 12:34 am (UTC) (base camp)
MWAH! Maybe we can get together a carpool... something to think about after the summer.
beerhorse From: beerhorse Date: July 18th, 2006 08:08 am (UTC) (base camp)
Going to my class reunion helped the whole, "They were asses to me" thing. I saw all those people again in a new light and realised they have no impact on my life anymore. For the most part, I stopped hating them. :)
tashabear From: tashabear Date: July 18th, 2006 11:09 am (UTC) (base camp)
Thing is, I don't hate them. I feel sorry for them, a bit. Mostly I don't think of them at all.
rufinia From: rufinia Date: July 18th, 2006 11:12 am (UTC) (base camp)
I got an email last week that they're starting to plan my 10th reunion.

(Pause while you all laugh about me being only 10 9 years out of high school.)

Most of the poeple I went to HS with did not move out of Minnesota, so it's s significant exspense for me to go. And oh, yeah, I hated most of those fuckers then, too. I may go, there are a few people I want to see, but flipping thourhg my yearbook I have no idea who most of these people were.
19 trips or shoot the rapids