tasha (tashabear) wrote,

  • Mood:

sad bear

I haven't been happy since Pennsic.  There have been a couple of good days, but I can count the number of times I've left the house on one hand, and leave my thumb out of the count entirely.

Part of it is, I'm having a project drop.  Between finishing all the sewing for Pennsic and Pennsic itself, I've been super busy for a couple of months now, or at least I had project planning with which to occupy my brain.  I got a similar drop after my wedding a couple of years ago.  Everything's over, and you're used to a certain optempo, and your mind is saying, "Now what?"  That, I can sort of deal with.

But my parents have finally sold their house, after living there for over thirty years, after it being on the market for nearly six years.  I've been dreading this.  That's the house I grew up in, that's the house I could always come home to.  We knew every board in the floors, every creak of the stairs.  We knew that to lock the back door you had to get the deadbolt turned halfway and then you jiggle it, and it turns the rest of the way.  And it, and the three-unit apartment house, are being turned into condos by a developer, and it's not going to be there anymore.  Not for me.  No more family dinners around the big dining room table.  I know my parents can't keep up with the place anymore, and they found a place they like in Shirley (which means that they will no longer be living in the 495/93 corridor, and going to visit will be a total pain, so I'll see even less of my mother), and there's no way in hell I could have afforded it... but I'm heartbroken just the same.

Also, I need to find a job, and I seriously can't even begin to express how very much I hate job hunting.  My resume needs updating, and I don't even know what I want to do.  I think I might email Simmons and a couple of other schools and see what it would take to get into grad school.  Even if I never work in a library, the database management skills would be key.

All that, and I didn't even realize I was doing it, but I stopped smoking cold turkey after Pennsic, and I've been feeling lousy for like a week.  I may have a couple here and there, just to see if it helps my mood and the general malaise I've been feeling... if I can get off my ass to go outside.  Seriously.  It's been like that.
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