Log in

No account? Create an account
whitewater consciousness -- the journal fellow travellers itinerary meet your guide whitewater consciousness -- the website upstream upstream downstream downstream
hurts so good - when you don't know what to do... — LiveJournal
do the next thing
hurts so good
You know that pain you get when you look at someone you love and it just hits you that you're in love with that person? The constriction in your chest, like your heart is getting squeezed -- gently, of course, but squeezed?

I haven't felt that in ages and ages. I'd thought it was burnt out of me. The only chest pain I'd had was when I was hurt by someone I thought I loved, who I'd thought loved me. Not a good thing at all. (Well, there was that time last week when I got kicked in a tender spot, but that's not the same thing at all.)

But it's not burnt out of me. All it took was to love and be loved by the right person. When I look at him, and see the goodness and love and trust shining out of his eyes, it just about makes me crumble. He kisses me, and my knees get weak. He tells me that he loves me before I go to sleep, and I drift off smiling.

I left to go out today, and he was sleeping, curled up on my pillows like he always does when I get up. I kissed his cheek, and stroked his face, and whispered that I loved him. And as I looked at him, I felt that tightness, that constriction, squeezing my heart, telling me that it's real. I get to love him, and he loves me back. Whatever else life hands me, it's all good, because he loves me.

Call me sappy if you want; we both know it's true. But I have hope for my future now, rather than just concentrating on getting through the day. I have a best friend and a lover, a companion who I am coming to count on for support and love. Life is becoming more than just a test to see how much hardship I can take. I've proven all that. Now I get to enjoy the love it's brought me.

About bleeding time.

i feel: loved loved

shoot the rapids